Facing Round 5

We made our first trip back to Walter Reed from Fort Drum a month ago.  The drive was long and boring.   We drove straight the whole entire way.  I found myself beyond excited to arrive in DC.  My Taylor Rae was flying in with my Mom.  My needles were just apart of the process of getting to the point of being able to greet them both at the airport.   This upcoming round, I do not have that excitement.

My Doctor is in his mid thirties.  He loves to spend his free time at conferences learning about new forms of acupuncture.  Upon my arrival the day before my 4th treatment, my Doctor wanted to "test" a new form of acupuncture on me.  I am known to be his test rat when it comes to his "combinations".  We stuck with my classic Mega Musu, but he decided to add what is called, "Seven Demons".  Back in the day it was used during exorcisms.  I looked at him as if he were crazy.  Then I thought to myself, does he think I am crazy?!   He reassured me that over the years, this form of actupunture is now being used to calm down chronic pain......and release some demons such as anxiety.  Which I suffer from severely the night before the massive needles are injected into my head and neck.   After he finished his acupuncture cocktail on me, he looked straight at me and asked me if I felt the need to cry.  Then he just sat there and starred at me.  I looked at him as if he really were crazy.  "NO, I don't feel as if I need to cry!"  As I sat up, he next informed me that I would not feel at all like talking for the next 24 hours.  Hahaha, that's funny I thought.

As Jesse, Blake, and myself were walking out of the hospital the eve before my torture session, my eyes filled with tears.  I just started bawling in the middle of the hallway.  I couldn't control my emotions.  People were starring.  Yes, the acupuncture made me fall apart.  In public.  Awesome.   We checked into the hotel in Bethesda and made it to dinner.  As I was sitting at the table, I felt myself go completely mute.  All I could get myself to do was stare out the window.  Jesse and Blake had a very quiet meal together.   The next morning, I couldn't even get my mouth to say "good morning".  It was the strangest thing ever.   My anxiety was amazing.  I wasn't nervous.  I wasn't dreading life the day of my needles.  I walked back into my Doctor's office and placed myself right on the table.  Talk about CRAZY!

My 4th round was much more intense than the other three combined.   I have been having such upper back pain along with my head and neck pain.  My Doctor had given me a series of therapy to work on during the weeks not seen.   Nothing was helping, nor taking away the pain.  After spending much of my appointment discussing my back, the only thing that made sense to my Doctor was to ProLo that, too.  He felt that my back was holding my neck back from healing.  The ligaments in my upper back were also shot from carrying such a heavy burden from the last 14 years.  Which meant several more needles for me.

I post this picture to not gross you out, but to actually show how many injections were done.  Not visible from this picture are the needle marks in the bottom of my head and the top of my shoulders.   Not all are taped.   As you can see, he had to inject in my rib area.  Which meant hitting each rib bone as he went in, making his needle dull each time.   Talk about awful.  My breathing had to be spot on.  He would count out loud to me, telling me when to hold my breath or let it out.  The breathing was directly related to not puncturing a lung or hitting a massive blood vessel or nerve.  It was very hard to concentrate on the breathing while being stabbed in the back......many, many times.

As my week of Round 5 approaches on Monday, I am scared shitless to go through this once again.  It took 2 weeks to get over the needles last time leaving my ribs bruised to the bone.  I am dreading this experience.  We leave on Wednesday.  Needles early Friday morning.

Never did I think or hope that I would be enduring round 5.  I was praying that I would be one of those patients who are completely healed after 2!  There is small progress that is working its way through my troubled areas.  It is just a very, very...extremely slow process.

Last week was the first real week with the kids all to myself.  We made it through the week.  My pain was through the roof.  At night, I would fight back to the tears as I was a shaky, pain filled mess.  Days were very long and there isn't much "resting" with all the kids around.  But, I am beyond thankful for all the help that we did have this summer.  I keep reminding myself to enjoy this pain.  Because in a few days, I will be down.  Jesse's Mom is flying in on Wednesday to help with the kids while we travel to DC.   Our families have been completely AMAZING with flying in to help us.  I know this monthly flying schedule is not easy on anyone!

Here's to Round 5 being the key factor to my healing process!  As I am so sick of this all........